Not His Memory
by Untrustedwithscissors
Summary: Allen is having a hard time going to sleep with all thats going on, what with him being locked up in the Order's dungeon and only Link as a once in a while company. He just can't shake the feeling that if he closes his eyes, he might find something that isn't his, that belongs to the fourteenth and he's terrified to see what it is.


Author's Note- This is supposed to be a way to get rid of my major writer's block for my other story and i figured that i would need to try writing M rated stuff someway and i figured a one-shot would be great. :)

Full Summary: Allen is having a hard time going to sleep with all thats going on, what with him being locked up in the Order's dungeon and only Link as a once in a while company. He just can't shake the feeling that if he closes his eyes, he might find something that isn't his, that belongs to the fourteenth and he's terrified to see what it is.

Disclaimer- I don't own -Man or any characters in it.

**Please read: This is basically PWP and it goes with the headcannon that Allen was the apprentice that Bookman lost all those years ago. You may now continue :)**

Allen P.O.V

I can't sleep. I honestly don't know why I try to keep my drowsy eyes open but I get a really bad feeling when i close my eyes, even just to blink. I can't remember the last time I had a full night's rest. My head feels as if it is about to burst most of the time and there's only one person to blame.

Nea, or better known as the fourteenth.

I must be going crazy, I swear i can hear his voice in my head. Sometimes he doesn't even make complete sentences, he just talks a bunch of jumbled words.

Give up, is the only thing that I understand most of the time. He should know by now that I will not go down without a fight. Honestly, having him in my head is a real pain. Neah is the cause of everything that has gone down in my life for the past year. If he hadn't shown up in my head then I wouldn't be in the stone dungeon in the basement of the Black Order. I wouldn't have to skip meals in fear of a truth serum being put in it. I wouldn't have acquired this new cast on my arm that paralyzes my innocence, making me open and weak to any physical threat. Did I mention that it causes wounds to help slower than usual, because it does.

This really does suck on all kinds of levels.

There is a murmur outside of the cell door before it opens to reveal the man who I have come to refer as my watchdog, Howard Link.

"Walker." He states as he places a bowl on the table thats sits a few feet from the bed I lie in. "Courtesy of Central, eat up."

_Basically, he's telling me that there is probably something in it that would only do me negatively._

I only stay silent and shake my head, refusing the food that has been moved close to me. We stare at each other in silence before Link breaks it with a sigh, picking up the bowl and shaking his head.

"You can't keep this up forever, you know. You have to eat sometime, Walker. You make one wrong move and they'll haul you off to death, or worse." Ah, yes, worse than death, experimentation. I'd become a little toy for Central to pick at till there is nothing left of me, how charming.

During my thinking, Link has found it the appropriate time to make his leave. I only hear the shriek of the door to leave me to my uninterrupted, pessimistic thoughts. At least, that is what I thought.

Pound!

Great, the ache in my brain has started once again. It doesn't even stay in one place, it surrounds my mind and causes everything around me blur into become a mix it its colors. At this moment all i can see is swirls of grey and the occasional black. Nothing can stop it either, I can only wait and hope it goes away soon. Which I wouldn't know if it did. During this, all the minutes seem like hours or days feel like seconds, its terrifying and angering. Also the guest in my head like to start yelling at this time but, it is still incomprehensible, jumbled and just as frustrating as usual.

You would think I'd be used to it by now, since it happens so often and its the same thing all the time. Its seems that everytime I start to get used to it and slowly try to block him out, he thinks of something new to bother me with. Last time it was making it seem like Nea was right there, or at least it sounded like it. Before he would show me images in my head, they were quick but always seemed to confuse me, giving him enough time to slip through my new block and start his dialogue once again.

One time I could have sworn i saw an image of Master Cross when he was much younger, he even had the same mask that covered half of his face, hiding one eye that was probably the same deep, wine red. It caused a wave of sorrow and grief to go through me as I realized this. I missed my Master all too much, he never did explain everything completely. Not to mention he was a bit of an asshole but I did love him like a uncle, or even a distant father-figure. Though I would never admit that to anyone, of course.

There's also someone who is familiar, but at the same time not at all to me. The man in this memory-like picture, had a longer version of Nea's deep violet hair pulled into a ponytail. His golden eyes sparkle with happiness and his large smile suggests he was in the middle of a fit of laughter, that didn't seem like it would be over soon. These memories had stories that I could feel and remember so clearly, even as they were pushed onto me unwillingly by a hated force. They showed Nea's joys in his dark world, what made him get up in the morning, what guided him and became his light in the dark. I found myself wanting to hear the stories and know them through his eyes, even if he was my enemy.

It reminded me of how Tyki had human friends with him, even though he hates humankind and reaches toward its annihilation. He keeps them close and cherishes them because in war, they could not be there the next day. Kind of like the fourteenth's story, one moment up and happy, the next he is meeting his demise by the Earl. Life was a bitter thing, no wonder it had so many sour lemons to give.

There was another man too. He had the same long, red brown hair that the younger Cross had and there was a cocky yet loving smirk on his face. Though he didn't have Cross' eyes, he had a mercury, midday blue color that seemed to sparkle in the candlelight the memory had given.

Yes, that's what these were, memories of the past fourteenth, Nea.

But why was that man looking at him with such love? He obviously wasn't a Noah, nor was he family with the kind of love I saw. Was he… a lover? He had to be, now I wish I knew his name.

_Allen_, the fourteenth's voice is clear in my head, I hadn't noticed that the pain in my head had faded away to a dull pinch. His voice was never this clear, I shouldn't be able to understand what he is saying. Was Nea answering my wish, was that his lover's name?

_Yes, _the echo soothes the last of the pains in my head and I can feel my eyelids begin to droop, welcoming the calm sleep.

No! I can't go to sleep, I know something will happen, I can't trust myself or those around me. As I think this my lids fall and I find it impossible to pick them back up.

A little sleep won't hurt, will it?

I open my eyes to see an unfamiliar place. I am dreaming, right?

I am not in control of my body so I must be in one of Nea's memories. Shit.

The room I'm in seems to be a bedroom. The walls are a light beige but look a bit more brown in the absence of light. A large king sized canopy bed sits in the middle of the large room against the wall parallel to the one with the dark, oak wood door. The bed has a navy blue comforter and an abundance of matching pillows sitting on top. Black lace curtains fall around the bed, finishing it. The one large glass window to the right of the bed lets me know that it is late, around midnight. The only light in the room is coming from the moonlight that streams

into the window between the same lace curtain around the bed.

I sit at a wood desk that matches the door just to the left of the bed. I'm alone in the room which suggests that I am seeing through the eyes of Nea. Why does this have to happen now of all times? I know I will have to watch the whole memory, no matter what.

The body I am in, Nea's, turns as we hear the door creak open and someone step into the room.

It's the man from the memory, the one I suspect to be Nea's lover!

The unknown man, who looks about 23 years old, is wearing a pair of black boots that reach his knees and tight black pants. He also has on a white button up and a gray vest with thin, darker gray stripes running down it. To top it off he tried a violet ribbon to his neck. The color reminds me of Nea's hair in the light.

"Why are you still up, I would have suspected that you would be asleep by now, love." The smooth voice of the man rings through the room.

"I was waiting to hear what happened and for someone to come back." This is Nea's melodic voice as he gets out of the seat and moves to stand in front of the man as he finishes the response.

The man blinks slowly and bows his waist in what seems to be a joking manner.

"I am deeply sorry for making you wait, Nea. How can I make it up to you?" Nea only grabs the man's chin and brings him up to meet his eyes. The man smiles softly at him. I can feel a happy smile stretch spread across Nea's face as he brings his arms around the man, picking him off of the ground. The man laughs wholeheartedly as they spin around.

"I know the perfect way, you can tell me what happened later." Nea's voice is filled with happiness and a bit of lust. They stop spinning as they bump into the bed. Nea sits on the edge of the bed, bringing the man with him, causing the man to straddle Nea with his thighs on either side of him.

The unnamed man looks through half lidded eyes filled with lust and need. He brings his hands up to burry them in Nea's messy hair and pulls their faces together, their lips just shy of touching.

"I love you." The gentleman whispers out, his warm breath ghosting Nea's face.

"And I love you, my beautiful Allen." Nea's reply has no hesitation and is filled with as much love as the man who he called Allen.

Allen is the man's name.

Allen.

Allen.

Allen is my name! What is the coincidence that we have the same name, none! This Allen must have been very influential to Mana, for Mana to have name his dog the same thing.

Anyway, this is when everything seems to turn a bit too hot. I feel a smidge uncomfortable watching through someone else's eyes as they make out with another person who has the same name as me, and seems to bare a small resemblance to an older me. To summarize it, I felt extremely awkward and out of place.

Nea had leaned back and was a bit more in the middle of the bed but, their make out session had not stopped yet. He brought his hands up and gripped Allen's hips before bringing them to rest on Allen's arse. This caused a moan to irrupt from the latter. The kisses became a bit more hassled and hot, each other's teeth nipping at the others lips.

Allen moves his hands from Nea's hair to his shoulders, chest to his hips. Only to bring them back up to start unbuttoning Nea's gray shirt. Nea soon follows and takes off Allen's vest, their lips never breaking apart.

Nea brings his colder hands under his lover's button down, feel the hot skin shiver and arch toward the hands that caress upwards till they pull at perky nipples. Allen's breathing becomes more rapid than it already was, he breaks off the kiss to lean down and capture a neck between his lips. He gets a gasp in response and bucks his hips down to join the darker haired one, grinding slowly and smiling breathlessly.

"Jesus." Nea gasps out, feeling both of their hardened members constricted by the rest of the clothes on them. The Noah can't resist bringing his hips up to meet Allen's, causing the redhead to unlatch from Nea's neck and bend his head back, moaning loudly along with his lover.

Nea quickly unbuttons Allen's shirt and throws it on the chair he was sitting at only some time ago. He flips them over so he is on top and flings his own shirt somewhere in the room. Bending down, he lays small bites and kisses all over the now exposed chest of his Allen, reducing him to nothing but gasps and the occasional swear. By then, Nea is nipping at the curve of the hipbone and pulling down his lovers pants, their shoes slipped off at the beginning of this without either realizing.

"Shit! Fuck! Not fair," Allen gasps, "your pants need to be off if mine are." His sentence is interrupted multiple times by the Noah biting and leaving love marks on his inner thighs. Pulling Nea by his hair, he bring Nea back up to a hard kiss and swiftly undresses him while his lover is in a daze from the kiss.

Allen glances at his dazed love and smiles fondly, like in the memory Nea had given me. The smile turns into something that isn't as loving, but mischievous. He slips his hand into Nea's boxers and grips the dazed man's shaft, clearing the daze with a groan.

"Holy Hell, Allen, you can't do this to me. I can only take so much." Nea's face is scrunch up in concentration and lust.

"You're the one who is supposed to be the big bad Noah, can you not take the heat?" Allen teasing voice vibrates through the room as his thumb rubs a vein on the said Noah's erect member slowly.

"God damn you, Bookman Jr. I'll teach you a lesson that Senior apparently hasn't taught you yet, respect your elders." Nea flips them over so his lover is in the middle of the lush bed and moves Allen's underwear to take his member into his mouth in one quick move. Allen's hands are immediately burrowed in the dark locks belonging to the other.

"Oh, God!" Allen groaned, pulling on the hair in his hands. It seemed like he was enjoying this a bit too much, so much that Nea had hold his hips, lightly running his thumbs on Allen's hips, massaging lightly. With Allen naked and Nea only clad in underwear, it was easy to feel the heat of each other's skin and make the situation that much hotter.

As Nea runs his tongue down his love, he brings his fingers up to the other's mouth, a silent command to lather them. Once Allen has finished, in what Nea's thoughts could be one of the sexiest things ever, the fingers go to between the pale, slender, legs shivering with pleasure that are on either side of Nea's head.

Nea slowly stretches out his Allen's, one finger at a time. By the third finger, Allen is pushing back while groaning and demanding more.

"Nea, love, no- no m-more teasing, I need you now, i-its been much t-to lo-long." Allen's stuttering was caused by Nea changing the pace of his actions, both his mouth and his fingers that seemed to be searching for something.

Based on the smile pulling up Nea's lips when Allen cried out with his head leaning back into the bed, as if trying to bury himself in his pleasure while his chest rose in the opposite direction in an arch, Nea found what he was looking for.

"N-n-nea, please, please!" Nea found himself unable to resist as he brought himself up for another sweet kiss. He looked into Allen's eyes, trying to see any doubt or anything that should make Allen regret this in the morning. Trust and love, two things you should never find in the eyes of a Bookman when looking at a Noah, were what he found in his lover's beautiful mercury eyes. Giving his love a peck on neck and more up in a trail to the other's mouth, pulling in a mind numbing kiss, Nea slowly moved himself to line up with Allen's entrance and pushed in just as slowly-

"Allen!" That sounds just like Link. Oh wait, it is him! I open my eyes to find myself back in my boring cell and Link in front of me with, food? Why didn't I just eat not even an hour ago? The look on my face must have been pure confusion because Link sighed heavily before continuing, "You have been asleep for two days and I know you didn't eat before so I personally got you something from Jerry, as it seems that is the only thing you'll eat. Are you alright?"

Link seemed genuinely concerned but I could only stare dumbly at him.

Was I okay?

A/N- I am mean, aren't I? Well, this was a few pages on google docs and a pain to write so I felt like I could be mean. I don't plan on continuing, what with the other story I have going on, but I might have more inspiration for it, you'll never know. Anyway, tell me how bad I did for my first time writing something like this, or not I don't know.

Thanks for reading!


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